#BeingHuman. Brutal Honesty (part 3): personal non-theological and non-spiritual chaotic reflections on self-confrontation in the time of war…
The consequences of the war in Ukraine are far-reaching and will have a lasting impact on the region and the world, whether we take this into account or choose to ignore this fact… The war has caused a humanitarian crisis, with millions displaced from their homes and needing food, water, and shelter. It is hard to fathom the endless suffering of innocent families and the daily human toll the war takes. The war has also devastated the economy of Ukraine and several other countries of the former Soviet Union, and the country's infrastructure has been severely damaged. The war will have a long-term and profound impact on the Church and theological education, although our Mission has not changed…
While I feel powerless to do anything significant about stopping the war, I have found a solace «strategy» that helps me navigate and confront my thoughts and feelings during such an emotionally turbulent time for me… and so many of us involved in theological education during the war… that means taking a hard look at myself and my beliefs and asking difficult questions about how I can be a better human being, reflecting the image of the Other in my character during ongoing war…
The horrors of the war unfolding in Ukraine have forced me to confront myself in uncomfortable ways… Self-confrontation has become almost a daily process of examining my beliefs, values, and actions, helping me look for ways to stay grounded in my faith and live out my beliefs in a way that is both faithful to God and helpful to others.
These are the questions I ask myself almost daily in the form of anxiety (as some psychologists may call it): What do my faith and 'systematic theology' teach me about war? How can I live out my faith in a way that is faithful to the Other and helpful to others' suffering? What am I doing to help end the war? What am I doing to support those who have been called to the war and are affected by the war? How can I use my resources to help those who are in need? How can I live my life honoring the Other and reflecting my faith in Him and humanity?
In the ongoing war in Ukraine, self-confrontation is especially important for me… and it is not easy… I do not take inner dialogues as a 'bipolar disorder' because this war has caused immense suffering for such an unthinkable number of people, and it is so easy to become overwhelmed by the darkness.
The ongoing war brings me to the forefront of the stark contrast between love, compassion, empathy, and the atrocities of war…. I also confront my responsibility within a global theological educational community. The consequences of this war are far-reaching, affecting not only those directly involved but also the international Christian educational community as a whole that chose to be a part of the help to seminary-based refugee hubs in Ukraine, Moldova, in Central and Western Europe, caring for the refugees and internally displaced people... a part of rebuilding theological education in Ukraine and the region... a part of the ongoing Mission of God despite the atrocities of the war...
During times of war, it's easy to fall into the trap of praying for quick fixes or superficial solutions… Despite the situation's darkness, self-confrontation involves grappling with hope and prayer. In conversations with the Other, I express my hopes and fears to Him, seeking His guidance and strength…
Self-confrontation also leads me to reflect on the importance of cultivating resilience. I am still learning to confront my response to adversity (a painful inner process), seeking to maintain faith (Lord, help my unbelief…) while adapting to the evolving situation. And I am still learning to find ways to support struggling others, fostering a sense of community in the face of the ongoing darkness.
I'm also confronted by my tendency to apathy because of physical and emotional tiredness and stress. I dream about having at least one day without considering the war's consequences for us, our country, nation, Church, called for military duty… I dream about life when it can return to our so-called normal. And the war has exposed how little control I have over global events… I'm confronting my tendency to believe any problem can be solved if I work hard enough or learn not to take it "close to my heart"…
Through self-confrontation, I'm examining my sinful nature. The same original evil that leads to war resides in my heart too. It feels ridiculous to think about it, but… it is true… I'm seeking His forgiveness for my anger, apathy, pride, and selfishness. And not just forgiveness… but healing… again and again… day by day… even when it so often seems like going in circles… failure… forgiveness… healing… failure… forgiveness… healing… failure… forgiveness… healing… and Hope…
However, it is essential to remember that we are not alone in this. Many other human beings are also struggling to make sense of this war. We can find comfort and strength in each other's prayers and support. We are learning not to be afraid to ask for help. And one of our theological educational community's responses is a joint spiritual retreat that we will have from August 14 through 18 in Ukraine... The war in Ukraine is a very touchable dark time, but it is not the end of the story… I believe it is essential for human beings who follow the Other to confront themselves… not only others... through self-confrontation to continue to shine the light and spring the hope amid this ongoing touchable darkness… Peace be with you and your families, the People of the Bridge ❤️
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Taras Dyatlik
9 August 2023
Ukraine
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