Being Human during the War: Brutal Honesty vs. Sensitivity [Part 1]

As I continue to reflect on the impact of the war on our theological educational community and me, I would like to share with you some reflections on the issue of brutal honesty versus sensitivity in the context of the two statements which I heard numerous times in 2022: 

 - Sorry, but what you share sounds like brutal honesty; could you please soften your speech to be more sensitive to people who do not live in Ukraine? 

 - We are so devastated by the news about the war in Ukraine; please do not share so much negative information; we want to hear more positive thoughts from you. 

Let me share with you that the difference between being devastated by the news about the war and the realities of the war is quite significant. What leads to brutal honesty is the reality of the war's tragic impact on the people going through it. Brutal honesty in wartime does not mean insensitivity... It means something different... 

First, brutal honesty is the result of the profound emotional impact. Hearing about war through news or social media can be emotionally distressing, causing sadness, fear, or anxiety. However, experiencing the realities of war firsthand (like in Ukraine, Syria, and Sudan) can be even more traumatic, causing intense emotional distress and leading to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The realities of danger, loss of life, injury, etc., create a far greater emotional toll. People outside these countries expect those impacted by the war to be normal, behave and speak normally, and be more sensitive to the rest of the Community of Hope. However, we need to realize that the whole phenomenon of Normality is under big question for the people in the war. It is not about the Christian life but about the forms of expressions of the inside out during the war... 

Second, brutal honesty is the result of a sense of agency. When hearing about war through the news, people may feel helpless or powerless to do anything about the situation. However, those who experience the realities of war may have a greater sense of agency and may actively seek ways to protect themselves and their loved ones. It is about being less comfortable or being "less alive." It is about having one dish less than five or having a meal. It is sleeping poorly because of the anxieties of the peaceful life or being unable to sleep during the shelling or endless air raid alerts... The war disrupts your life, and every aspect of your life is disrupted - unable to work as usual, go to school as usual, have access to supplies or services as usual, many choose to flee to another area, etc. Life is upended... While news coverage can quickly move on to other topics, those who have experienced the realities of war continue to struggle with the aftermath for years to come... for some, it is for many years to come... 

Third, brutal honesty is the result of the availability of access to resources. Those who hear about war through the news may have access to resources such as mental health services, charitable donations, or other forms of support. However, those who experience the realities of war may have limited access to resources, including food, water, shelter, medical care, education, etc. News reports convey loss and hardship, but experiencing the war means facing the loss of loved ones (two three times a week from the beginning of the full-scale war in your narrowing circle of relationships), injury, displacement from home like the whole team of the Tavria Christian Institute (and others), lack of resources, and other immense hardships firsthand... There is usually much help in the beginning for the short term, and many people from outside want to give as much and as soon as possible toward immediate needs. But after a year, for example, the reality comes. And when we speak about it, it is not a sign of being unthankful. On the contrary, we are thankful for the level of kissing the feet. But it does not change a country's economic and social realities during the war. And many followers of Jesus Christ, praying Psalm 23, often look for better places with more resources for their families to survive outside the country... 

Fourth, brutal honesty is the result of a risk of physical harm. Hearing about war through the media may not pose a direct physical threat to an individual's safety. However, experiencing the realities of war can put people at risk of physical harm, including injury, illness, or death... immediate death... There are constant risks to safety, security, and even survival amid the war... Once, my dog and I became unwilling witnesses to missile attacks on the energy infrastructure of our city. Two missiles flew over our heads, 100-150 meters away, one after the other. In a few seconds, two powerful explosions made my ears pop. The dog cowered to the ground in fear, and I didn't even have time to say the first two words of the Lord's Prayer. From my trips during the war, I realized: that we die as we are, and we will never be worthy enough, holy enough, and sinless enough to knock on the door of the Kingdom of God under these conditions. That is why I appreciate the incarnation of Christ because He has the experience of being human and therefore understands everything that is in my heart and head here and now. Because of this, I accept His grace, even when I have to die unexpectedly as I am. I will never be exemplary, holy, worthy, or sinless enough. Therefore, I hide under the umbrella of His grace, like Westie did when he was scared when we came to the apartment, under my "wing," where he feels safe to be who he is... I even do not dare to speak about those who survived Mariupol and Bucha's (and the residents of other cities and towns) atrocities... 

Fifth, brutal honesty is the result of the difference between the levels of understanding. For example, hearing about war through news or social media may provide some level of understanding about the conflict, but it can also be limited or biased. On the other hand, experiencing the realities of war can provide a more comprehensive understanding of the conflict, including its causes, impacts, and complexities. However, this understanding may come at a tremendous personal cost, including trauma and loss... 

In summary, while being devastated by the news of war and the realities of war may elicit similar emotions, the latter creates an incomparably greater depth of anguish, trauma, loss, and struggle. The perspectives gained from truly living through such times can never be conveyed through media alone. The impacts are simply not equivalent. It is where the phenomenon of brutal honesty comes from: from the cry to the Lord and the outside world, the cry of pain, the cry for Hope... Brutal honesty is not about being insensitive, it is about breaking the windows of your soul to allow others to look inside, like Job... Johan... David... and other heroes of faith who challenged God and the People of God with their cries and questions when their faith's essence and foundations were tested to the limits of being human... in the image of God... Peace be with you, the People of the Bridge, and I wish you a Silent Night.. 

TO BE CONTINUED... I hope you are not offended with what you see through the broken windows… We try to remain human, normal, sensitive despite the challenges we daily go through 428 days of the ongoing full-scale war… 

-- 

Taras N. Dyatlik, UKRAINE 

27 April 2023

Our Willingness During the Wartime…

As I continue to reflect on the impact of the ongoing full-scale war on me, my family, my ministry, calling, I remember more and more often this verse from the narrative about the Good News: "As the soldiers led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the countryside, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus" (Luke 23:26). A few lessons I have learned and keep learning from this verse and our ongoing war experience...

1. Willingness to help: Simon was unwillingly pulled out of the crowd by the soldiers at random and forced to carry the cross of Jesus even though he was on his way in from the countryside... by the soldiers... Simon likely did not anticipate being pulled out of the crowd and forced to carry the cross... In wartime, theological educators in Ukraine also have been called upon to serve in unexpected ways and take on tasks that are not our choice. We are compelled to assist in the Mission of God against our will, in many ways, not by "peaceful prayers and Christian forces." How do you turn unwillingness into willingness and accept this with faith and trust in God when you are forced into difficult circumstances like a full-scale war, not of your choosing? How do you recognize the difference that you ultimately do not comply with the soldier's orders but serve and follow Jesus, even if it is not the way you would have preferred?

2. Willingness to accept help: Jesus was unwillingly forced by the soldiers to accept help from unexpected sources, from a random man returning home from his fieldwork... by the soldiers... How do you learn and become willing to accept help from unexpected sources during war, even if you don't know those who are forced to help, or when they are from a different faith or culture? Carry your own cross, even in or through theological education, even during the wartime. It is what Jesus instructed his followers to take up their own cross, and follow Him (Luke 9:23). How do you recognize the difference that you ultimately do not comply with the soldier's orders to put your cross aside, but that someone has become willing to help you, even if it is not the way they would have preferred?

3. Willingness to notice a human being with tears: on His way to the Hill of Death, Jesus still took the time to speak to the weeping women of Jerusalem along the way. His suffering did not close His eyes to the suffering and grief of people who surrounded Him... How do you learn to show compassion towards those who also suffer, although may be less than you on the Road to the Hill of Death? Where do you find the source to offer words of encouragement and support to those around you, even if they do not share the same beliefs with you, or do not understand what is going in with you? Simon of Cyrene was a stranger to Jesus, yet he showed compassion by helping Him carry the cross. We during the war also learn to show compassion to those who are suffering, even if they are strangers to us... Simon of Cyrene had to sacrifice his own plans and desires in order to help Jesus. I also see this example in our partners, who made sacrifices for the greater good, whether it is giving up their time, resources, or even their safety when they traveled in Ukraine during the war, air raid alerts, etc. 

4. Willingness to be a Community of the Hope: Carrying the cross was a heavy burden, both for Jesus and Simon, both physically and emotionally. Christians in wartime also face heavy burdens, whether it be the burden of fear, grief, or loss. Simon's example reminds us that we can bear these burdens with the help of others and with the strength that comes from God (whatever you may interpret it), even when it is not our choice, but we are forced to do so... How we can come together as a Community of Hope, as the People of the Bridge to support one another during times of war? How do you learn to work together towards a common goal and help each other through difficult times during the war? This unexpected turn of events ultimately allowed Simon to be a part of Jesus' story and serve Him in a unique way. We, theological educators in wartime, face many unexpected challenges and situations, which brought us together as the Community of Hope, as the network of our seminary-based refugee hubs... but although we were forced to take a cross (we stayed, we did not leave, and we do not condemn those who left Ukraine), we have learned to recognize the opportunities to show what the Community of Hope is, what the People of the Bridge means, and serve others and each other in new ways. 

Memory is the gift of God. I ask Him that I shall not forget that.... every pound of the heavy cross brings us closer to Jesus... every pound of the cross leads us to resurrection... every pound of the cross brings us to an empty tomb... and every pound of our cross leads us to glory and eternal life with the two Communities of Hope as the Unity: the Trinity and the Humanity ultimately united by what the God-man accomplished... God became a human to restore our true humanity, Imago Dei in us... Peace be with you and I wish you Silent Night, Taras Dyatlik (20 April 2023, the 421th day of the ongoing full-scale russian war against Ukraine...)

--

Taras N. Dyatlik, UKRAINE

20 April 2023

Про страх і мужність…

Страх – наша реакція. Мужність і дія – наше рішення. Ми не завжди можемо стримати страх під контролем, проте завжди маємо можливість вчитися приймати рішення бути мужніми, діяти мужньо… попри страх… день за днем, година за годиною… Бути людиною - це не про реакції та страх, це про рішення та дії… Вірю, Господи, допоможи моєму невірʼю… Навіть Ти, Ісусе, маєш досвід страху і мужності… Шануймося ❤️
—
Тарас Дятлик
12 квітня 2023

Christ Has Risen & Two Questions

Today is the 410th day of the full-scale russian war against Ukraine. Yesterday we had the Dead God. Today we have the Risen God. You may argue theologically, but it is about something other than theology I want to share with you. Still, about the existential experience, you often cannot describe it with correct systematic theological language. 

I believe that in the Bible, there are two most important questions of God to humanity: one to Adam, «Where are you, Adam?» and one to Mary Magdalene, «Why do you cry, Mary?» 

Both questions invite dialogue and communication. In both cases, God and Jesus initiated a conversation with their creations, which shows His desire to connect with them.

Both questions invite honesty and vulnerability. God's question to Adam prompted him to confess his sin and disobedience, while Jesus' question to Mary allowed her to express her sorrow and pain. 

Both questions express an emotional response. In the case of Adam, God's question revealed his disappointment and sadness at what had happened. In the case of Jesus, his question revealed his empathy and compassion for the woman who was crying.

Both questions lead to a deeper understanding of God's character. In the case of Adam, God's question led to a conversation about sin and its consequences, which revealed God's justice and mercy. In the case of Jesus, his question led to a conversation about his resurrection and the hope that it brought, which revealed God's power and love.

Where is the Hope for me in these Two Questions by God to Man and Woman? 

Both of these questions relate to the theme of Redemption in the Bible by highlighting God's loving and compassionate nature towards his creation, which we so much underestimate... 

In the first question, "Where are you, Adam?", God seeks out Adam after he has sinned and fallen away from his perfect state. This question represents the first step towards Redemption, as God initiates the process of reconciliation with humanity.

Similarly, in the second question, "Why do you cry, Mary?", Jesus addresses Mary Magdalene after his resurrection, showing her that Redemption and hope are possible even amid great sorrow and loss. This question represents the ultimate act of Redemption, as Jesus conquers death and offers the possibility of salvation and eternal life to all who believe in him.

Both questions demonstrate God's love and concern for humanity and his desire to restore us to a right relationship with Him. Through these questions, we see that Redemption is not just a one-time event but an ongoing process in that God is actively involved. The ultimate goal of this process is to bring us into a state of wholeness and completeness, where we can experience the fullness of life that God has intended for us.

During the war, the state of wholeness and completeness relates to theological fantasy because we are so profoundly broken inside and live surrounded by so much broken world. But... The Hope is that God meets us where we are... even in our deepest sorrows and darkness. He condescends to come down to our level.... God's questions remind us of His abiding presence and care. Even when we feel alone, He is there with us... Like with Adam and Mary, God's questions often come to us in life's pivotal moments. We must give heed to His voice... what the pain is... 

Even when we feel unworthy or unable to be used by God again, being so profoundly broken by the war, His questions remind us of our significance and purpose in His kingdom plans... God desires an intimate, honest, and vulnerable relationship with us where we openly share our hurts, questions, and sorrows with Him... Every man today should learn to respond to God: "Where are you, Taras?" And every man, along with Jesus, should learn to ask: "Why do you cry, Natasha?" 

Peace be with you, the People of the Bridge, and I wish you a Silent Night—your crippled brother in Christ...
--
Taras N. Dyatlik, UKRAINE
9 April 2023

Sporadic Reflections on Forced Reconciliation and Peace-Building

I have been involved in peace-building ministry and activities during the hybrid (2014-2022) and full-scale (2022-...) ongoing war in Ukraine. On this note, I would like to share with you my reflections about some of the harmful efforts I have witnessed, encountered, and challenged when we, the Ukrainians, were forced to reconcile with the Russians. 

Furthermore, it is my reaction to the efforts of some Christian leaders and organizations to make a victim reconcile with an abuser, worsening the victim's situation. Everything else is between the lines for Christian organizations, church unions, mission agencies, and partners... I hope you are not too disheartened by my sporadic reflections during the ongoing full-scale Russian war against Ukraine...

Some peace-builders mistakenly believe that victims should forgive and reconcile with their abusers to bring peace and harmony according to their limited understanding of peace. The reason for such an attitude is a lack of understanding of abuse dynamics. Peace-builders do not fully comprehend abuse dynamics, leading them to believe that both the victim and abuser are equally responsible for the conflict. It results in pressuring the victim to reconcile with their abuser rather than recognizing the power imbalance and harm caused by the abuser. 

Such a view of reconciliation avoids holding the abuser accountable for their abusive actions. It prevents them from facing the consequences and changing their behaviors. As a result, abuse is likely to continue or escalate. The victim's safety and well-being should be the priority. Forced reconciliation puts the victim in an unsafe space with the abuser, who has already harmed them...

This kind of peace-building lacks empathy. It may not fully empathize with the victim, leading to underestimating the severity of abuse and the trauma it has caused. It pressures the victim to reconcile with their abuser without fully understanding the harm done. Unfortunately, it makes the victim feel obligated to forgive their abuser and reconcile with them, even when it is not in their best interests, as the abuser does not care about reconciliation, peace, or forgiveness.

Some peace-builders are unaware (whether consciously or unconsciously) of the potential consequences of reconciliation for the victim. In addition, forced reconciliation is emotionally and spiritually difficult for the victim, leaving them feeling more vulnerable and exposed to further abuse because these peace-builders in this situation care more about peace with an abuser than the victim's well-being. It makes the victims feel isolated and vulnerable and creates a situation where they feel pressured to reconcile with the abuser, even if it is not safe or healthy for them...

Some peace-builders are unaware (whether consciously or unconsciously) of the power dynamics between the victim and abuser. They lack sufficient knowledge or understanding of abuse dynamics, leading them to underestimate the severity of the situation. As a result, they may see reconciliation as the only solution without considering the safety and well-being of the victim. It leads these peace-builders to believe that the victim has more power in the situation than they do and that reconciliation is a viable option if the victim submits to the powerful abuser for peace without any conditions. 

Such a view of peace-building does not consider that the abuser inherently has power over the victim, and reconciliation enables further abuse. The abuser may use the opportunity to exert more control and manipulate the victim...

These peace-builders believe forgiveness and reconciliation are more important than justice and accountability concerning the abuser. Therefore, they prioritize forgiveness over justice, encouraging the victim to reconcile with their abuser without addressing the harm done. Furthermore, it leads to the belief that the victim should forgive the abuser and move on without considering the implications of this decision. 

Such an attitude perpetuates a cycle of abuse and further harm to the victim. Forcing victims to reconcile with their abuser leads to further trauma and harm. It amounts to re-victimizing the victim...

These peace-builders are motivated to avoid conflict for their own sake or agendas and maintain the status quo. It leads to prioritizing reconciliation over justice and the safety and well-being of the victim. It leads to believing that the victim should forgive the abuser for maintaining peace and harmony for those who consider themselves "above" the "conflict" or who are "tired of the conflict." 

Such a forced approach to peace-building perpetuates the cycle of abuse because it often follows a cyclical pattern of tension-building, abuse, and reconciliation. Reconciliation in such an approach brings the victim back into the cycle, subject to further abuse. Moreover, it fails to address the root cause of violence because the roots are less visible and more complicated to challenge...

Speaking about Jesus and peace-building... I mean the Christian Community of Hope, not politicians or civil peace-builders... Jesus did not stay aside, given the need for reconciliation between God and humanity on the Cross. He took a side. He cried: "My Father! Why have you left me alone here on the Cross?" He became a human being to go to hell as a human... to learn what it means to be human in the conflict between humanity and God... Do we care about it? Or is it 'not our war at all?' 

Everything else is in between the lines... between the lines... Peace be with you, and wish you Silent Night, the People of the Bridge... ❤️

--

Taras Dyatlik, UKRAINE
5 April 2023

«Наше же жительство на небеси…»

Все ще продовжую чути від «хороших росіян» про те, що росіяни на території України, на українській землі помирають «невинно» тому, що їх вбивають українці, яким життя росіянина менш цінне, ніж «якась там земля і територія»… бо українці забули, що «наше жительство на небеси»… 

Причина і наслідок. Росіяни помирають тому, що зі зброєю в руках прийшли на чужу землю, – в чужу країну, порушивши її кордони і суверенітет, – вбивати, грабувати і гвалтувати. Вони помирають не тому, що їх вбивають, а тому що прийшли як агресори і вбивці мирних жителів на чужій землі. Їх смерть – це логічна і законна причина їх смерті, навіть згідно з Божим законом, не говорячи вже про земні закони. Причина і наслідок… 

Щодо «якась там земля». Люди живуть на Землі і на землі, на певній території. Люди не живуть в повітрі чи під землею. Ми живемо на землі. Так створено і влаштовано Богом. Бог не тільки любить нас через людей, але й захищає нас через людей, які захищають тих, кого люблять, які захищають землю тих, на якій живуть ті, кого люблять. Саме питання «вам що, земля дорожча за людей?» вважаю логічно невірним саме тому, що люди живуть на землі. Коли ви, росіяни, відбираєте в людей землю, женете їх з їхньої землі, що ви пропонуєте вже 9 років, окрім руйнувань і сліз? 

«Наше же жительство на небесах!» То що ж ви тоді робите на землі? Навіщо тоді молитесь молитвою «Отче наш…»? Навіщо відкриваєте земні банківські рахунки, купуєте земні авто, земне житло, лікуєте земні зуби, і т.д., якщо «это все земное»? Навіщо з росії втікаєте разом зі своїми дітьми в ті країни, де сильна земна армія і потужна земна зброя і земна економічна захищеність? Чому це земне так тягне до себе на землі, якщо «жительство на небесах?» 

І якщо ваше «жительство на небесах», то чому підтримуєте співучастю або замовчуванням «отжатіє» землі? Земля і земне має бути для вас ніщо: своє, перш за все, не чуже… якщо ваше «жительство на небесах», то віддайте своє, не грабуйте чужого… Чи у вас мало землі в росії для «жительства на небесах»? І чому чим гучніше російський служитель кричить про «жительство на небесах», тим агресивніше підтримує загарбання чужої землі, а не ідею поділитись російською землею? «Почему такая разница?» «Или, какая разница?» Шануймося…
--
Тарас Дятлик, Україна
3 квітня 2023