I have been involved in peace-building ministry and activities during the hybrid (2014-2022) and full-scale (2022-...) ongoing war in Ukraine. On this note, I would like to share with you my reflections about some of the harmful efforts I have witnessed, encountered, and challenged when we, the Ukrainians, were forced to reconcile with the Russians.
Furthermore, it is my reaction to the efforts of some Christian leaders and organizations to make a victim reconcile with an abuser, worsening the victim's situation. Everything else is between the lines for Christian organizations, church unions, mission agencies, and partners... I hope you are not too disheartened by my sporadic reflections during the ongoing full-scale Russian war against Ukraine...
Some peace-builders mistakenly believe that victims should forgive and reconcile with their abusers to bring peace and harmony according to their limited understanding of peace. The reason for such an attitude is a lack of understanding of abuse dynamics. Peace-builders do not fully comprehend abuse dynamics, leading them to believe that both the victim and abuser are equally responsible for the conflict. It results in pressuring the victim to reconcile with their abuser rather than recognizing the power imbalance and harm caused by the abuser.
Such a view of reconciliation avoids holding the abuser accountable for their abusive actions. It prevents them from facing the consequences and changing their behaviors. As a result, abuse is likely to continue or escalate. The victim's safety and well-being should be the priority. Forced reconciliation puts the victim in an unsafe space with the abuser, who has already harmed them...
This kind of peace-building lacks empathy. It may not fully empathize with the victim, leading to underestimating the severity of abuse and the trauma it has caused. It pressures the victim to reconcile with their abuser without fully understanding the harm done. Unfortunately, it makes the victim feel obligated to forgive their abuser and reconcile with them, even when it is not in their best interests, as the abuser does not care about reconciliation, peace, or forgiveness.
Some peace-builders are unaware (whether consciously or unconsciously) of the potential consequences of reconciliation for the victim. In addition, forced reconciliation is emotionally and spiritually difficult for the victim, leaving them feeling more vulnerable and exposed to further abuse because these peace-builders in this situation care more about peace with an abuser than the victim's well-being. It makes the victims feel isolated and vulnerable and creates a situation where they feel pressured to reconcile with the abuser, even if it is not safe or healthy for them...
Some peace-builders are unaware (whether consciously or unconsciously) of the power dynamics between the victim and abuser. They lack sufficient knowledge or understanding of abuse dynamics, leading them to underestimate the severity of the situation. As a result, they may see reconciliation as the only solution without considering the safety and well-being of the victim. It leads these peace-builders to believe that the victim has more power in the situation than they do and that reconciliation is a viable option if the victim submits to the powerful abuser for peace without any conditions.
Such a view of peace-building does not consider that the abuser inherently has power over the victim, and reconciliation enables further abuse. The abuser may use the opportunity to exert more control and manipulate the victim...
These peace-builders believe forgiveness and reconciliation are more important than justice and accountability concerning the abuser. Therefore, they prioritize forgiveness over justice, encouraging the victim to reconcile with their abuser without addressing the harm done. Furthermore, it leads to the belief that the victim should forgive the abuser and move on without considering the implications of this decision.
Such an attitude perpetuates a cycle of abuse and further harm to the victim. Forcing victims to reconcile with their abuser leads to further trauma and harm. It amounts to re-victimizing the victim...
These peace-builders are motivated to avoid conflict for their own sake or agendas and maintain the status quo. It leads to prioritizing reconciliation over justice and the safety and well-being of the victim. It leads to believing that the victim should forgive the abuser for maintaining peace and harmony for those who consider themselves "above" the "conflict" or who are "tired of the conflict."
Such a forced approach to peace-building perpetuates the cycle of abuse because it often follows a cyclical pattern of tension-building, abuse, and reconciliation. Reconciliation in such an approach brings the victim back into the cycle, subject to further abuse. Moreover, it fails to address the root cause of violence because the roots are less visible and more complicated to challenge...
Speaking about Jesus and peace-building... I mean the Christian Community of Hope, not politicians or civil peace-builders... Jesus did not stay aside, given the need for reconciliation between God and humanity on the Cross. He took a side. He cried: "My Father! Why have you left me alone here on the Cross?" He became a human being to go to hell as a human... to learn what it means to be human in the conflict between humanity and God... Do we care about it? Or is it 'not our war at all?'
Everything else is in between the lines... between the lines... Peace be with you, and wish you Silent Night, the People of the Bridge... ❤️
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Taras Dyatlik, UKRAINE
5 April 2023
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