We Postpone Our Grief

Kherson reflections on postponing our grief... We postpone our grief. The war will end for those who are outside of Ukraine. But the war will continue for and in those civilians who went through it in Ukraine, traumatized, from the bombings at the front line near Kherson or Bakhmut to sleepless nights because of the air raid alerts in Kyiv or Lviv. 

Therefore, I want to share with you what is happening in civilians' hearts (not in soldiers, it is a separate challenging moral topic) who chose to stay after the full-scale war started, volunteer, minister, and serve the Church and People of Ukraine; in those hearts and minds who live outside of Ukraine, but chose to be with the Church and People of Ukraine during the war, walking "the second [biblical] mile," to take the additional burden on their hearts and minds... So...

We postpone our grief to survive mentally, emotionally, and spiritually during the ongoing active phase of the war. We focus on staying safe, finding shelters when needed, and providing for ourselves and our families, friends, and local churches. When you lose so many people to death from your circle of relationships, grief becomes a heavy unmanageable emotional burden that can interfere with your survival physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual efforts. By postponing our grief, we focus on our immediate needs and increase our chances of survival mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as human beings, making day-by-day often with mosquito steps toward the Mission that does not change...

We postpone our grief for the sake of the protection of our mental health. Otherwise, it can have a profound, unmanageable impact on our mental state. During the ongoing war, we have high stress and deep traumas, and the state of grief can exacerbate mental health issues. By delaying grief, we can process our emotions in a more controlled and manageable way, reducing the risk of further trauma. Postponing grief helps us manage our mental health and prevent further emotional distress so that we can continue toward our Mission that does not change... 

We postpone our grief because we have too many funerals. Constant mourning before, during, and after the funerals destroys your being. Yes, we honor our heroes who gave their lives for us and our freedom and safety, even if we do not provide the space for grieving, at least until the end of this inhuman russian full-scale unjust war against our country and people. When the war ends, we will grieve and cry and remember and mourn our loved ones. But not today. Later. Today we go toward the Mission that does not change regardless of the number of funerals... 

We postpone our grief because of a sense of duty... During a war, we feel highly responsible towards our local churches, theological seminaries, country, and fellow citizens. It creates a conflict between the need to grieve and the desire to contribute to the war effort, relief ministry, or support others who are affected by the war. Postponing grief helps us save time and emotional resources that can be better utilized towards the war effort and relief ministry. It is important to remain strong and resilient during the war to fulfill your duty. Focusing on our grief may cause us to become weak and vulnerable, making it more difficult to withstand the challenges of war. In the context of the full-scale russian war against Ukraine, postponing grief is our way to prioritize the needs of the larger Community of Hope to which we belong. 

We postpone our grief because it is crucial for us to focus on the bigger picture now, not to lose the meaning of life and Mission. It is a difficult time, but it is essential to remember that there is a bigger picture and a future. Therefore, there is a need to be flexible and adaptive to go toward that picture of the Mission that does not change. During a full-scale russian inhuman war, it is vital to adjust to constantly changing circumstances and make decisions based on the current situation, although our partners may not like it, and may feel growing irritation...

We postpone our grief, and... it unites us and makes us stronger together, temporarily, until the war ends or we crash... Focusing on our grief will cause us to become isolated and disconnected from the larger community and each other. Postponing grief does not mean we ignore it. Oh, no... not at all... We will address it later when the war is over, and the People and the Community of Hope can focus on healing and rebuilding. That day will come, and we will cry. The war will end for many of our partners but will go on for many of us in our souls, memories, minds, emotions, and relationships... 

We pray for you, the partners, that you will not leave us alone and not become horrified when finally the grief will hit us, our minds, souls, relationships... Peace be with you, and I wish you a Silent Night...
--
Taras N. Dyatlik, UKRAINE
21 March 2023